So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
