I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
