I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
