I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
