ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just want to make out with him forever
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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