i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
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You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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