I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
