i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
