After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
