I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so let's talk penis.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
