i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
