last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
