if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
