What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
