And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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