just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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