Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
