If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
