went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
