New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
