I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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