One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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