Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
