walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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