Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
