in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
