I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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