conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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