There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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