i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
