I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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