I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
