$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
