I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
