So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fill condoms, not promises.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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