Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
