i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
