he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
