Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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