I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
