The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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