I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She bit a glass in half.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I deserve this hangover.
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