Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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