Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
