Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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