So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
