New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh god it's open bar.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
