fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
then he tried to convert me to islam
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
