is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
