he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
