Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
