I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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