i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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