can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
