Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
