Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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