I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
