the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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