I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize