just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
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I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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