We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
