having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
