I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
