i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
