that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They took my balls.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
