Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
