He is an equal opportunity slut.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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