So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
