After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
