Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
