I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
