i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
