ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
