i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
